They jokes
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
The Tupperware people came to our house. They asked my wife, "Where's the kitchen?"
Sorry, I have only lived here for 3 months, but my jewelry is upstairs in my jewelry box located in my bedroom.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didnât see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, âHow did your day go?â
The one hunter said, âI had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.â
Then the other hunter asked him, âWas she a good lookinâ blond?â And he said, âOh, I donât know, I didnât find her head.â
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as heâs not sober.
Bartender: Hey, thatâs some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and donât give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If thatâs the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? Youâre a hypocrite, thatâs what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? Youâre right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Why canât kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never find home.
Why canât orphans ride bikes?
Because they donât have parent supervision.
Why didnât the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didnât have a mom to birth them.