What’s the difference between an onion and a viola?
No one cries when they cut up the viola.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.
Why are emos like paper?
They cut easily.
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why are orphans whores?
Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
Why does the cannibal village not exist anymore?
They all ate each other.
Why can't an orphan have an iPad?
They can't find the home button.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
