I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
Why can an orphan not have homework? They do not have a home.
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't have a home to run back to.
When orphans go to school, they can’t get parent pickup.
Why don't orphans call...
Because they can't call home.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.
Why do orphans hate baseball so much?
Because they can't run home.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
