Thereness jokes

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Today there was a line to punch me.

Yeah, that was the punch line.

China servers are up on Fortnite, yeah, check by there.

"China getting this dick in your mouth 😂"

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?

To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

Yum!

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

Knock, knock? Who's there? A mirror, I'm lonely.

There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?

There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?

What's the difference between school and Hell?

There is no difference.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

Your hairline goes so far back even Dwayne Johnson refused to sit there.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.