Thereness jokes

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

How many beans are there in Irish chili?

Answer: 239

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?

Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

How is the weather down there?

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe, just maybe you'll find a brain back there!

Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?

Because they won't be there to stick around.

What do depression and suicide have in common?

Nothing, they're both hanging.

Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

According to scientists, there has been a discovery of water on Mars.

Mars-1

Africa-0

I don't like stairs. They're always up to something.

I love punching orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their mum?

Why is there a hole in Uranus?

There are "nun" good jokes.