Thereness jokes
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
There are two types of people, avoid them both.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?
The seventh door.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
Why do orphans go to church?
They have someone to call "father" there.
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"
I like to make your mom jokes.
Because they're easy like your mom.
The orphan wanted to call home sick, but there was no one.
The orphan went to school to have food, but there was no money in his account.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Jo Mama!
Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
How is the weather down there?
According to scientists, there has been a discovery of water on Mars.
Mars-1
Africa-0