Thereness jokes

Why can’t orphans be criminals?

Because they’re not wanted.

What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?

There's no Jack!

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.

Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?

Because their phone exploded the towers.

Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they're too busy stealing all the green cards.

Why can't orphanages play baseball?

Because there's no home to go to.

There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?

Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.

They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.

There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.

Why can orphans never walk home?

Because there's no way to go.

What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?

There’s no way home.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

Why did the white girl come back from Africa?

Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.