Thereness jokes

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...

There is always a kitchen in the back.

  • 3

    • A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

    The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

    Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

    A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

    A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

    Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

  • 4

    • There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

    Once there was a boat. Its friends said,

    "It's time to come back." And the boat said,

    "No way. I don't give into pier pressure."

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

    Pedophile: You dropped your candy.

    Girl: Thanks!

    Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.

    Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?

    Girl: How far is your house?

    Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.

    Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?

    Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.

    Girl:.... Sure! :P

    Audience:.........Dumbass girl.

  • 0

    • So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

    Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"

    How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?

    He didn’t, there was no lift...!

    A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

  • 1

    • Why did Stephen Hawking die?

    Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.

    There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.