Them jokes

Orphan

It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."

Fire

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.

A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.

Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"

Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

Man

Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”

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  • Part

    What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?

    There’s twenty of them.

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  • Atom

    Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?

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  • Bone

    Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.

    Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

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  • Tit

    Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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  • Blackmail

    At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

    Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

    Sleeping Pill

    Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

    Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

    Doctor: They are for you!

    Drug Dealer

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!

    Deer

    Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

    Emo people

    Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

    Depends on how hard you throw them.

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  • Maria

    Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

    Atom

    An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

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