Them jokes
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
How do u get 40 cigarettes in a pack?
U shove them down his throat. 🤣😂
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?
Friend: What?
Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why can’t orphans order from Costa?
They need a parent or guardian with them.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.
Dark humor is like having parents, not everybody gets them.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"