Them jokes
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What's the difference between pepper and salt? One of them is black and the other one is white.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
If I were a history teacher, I’d make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them.
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.