Them jokes
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
I saw identical twins. I threw a paper plane at them.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
What's the difference between parents and depression? At least one of them leaves you.
All of them suck.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Why can't Chinese do anything? The government won't let them.
Sexy hot girls with two booooobs. I should say I wanna suck them.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?
Because they have no one to tell them off.
Why is an orphan good at being naughty?
Because they don't have no one to tell them off.
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."