Their jokes

Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan has all their teeth intact.

Why don't orphans like to get lost?

Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.

Where do cows get their medicine?

At the farmacy.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quack.

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.

The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?

What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".

If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.