Their jokes

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?

Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.

What do you call a group of Emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

What jumps and never let's go?

An Emo kid.

I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.

Dead.

Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?

The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?

Well, probably their kneecaps.

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?

They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

Why do orphans have water with cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why can't depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.

Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

why don't emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.