Theater

Theater Jokes

President

Hillary Clinton is elected president...

And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

Movie

I鈥檇 like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don鈥檛 let you bring your own snacks.

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.

Ass

Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.

When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.

Shrek

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

Movie

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

Punishment

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.

He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.

Actor

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?

They were going through a stage!

Orphan

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

Orphan

Why didn鈥檛 the orphan see the new movie?

It was "Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Actor

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because every show has a cast. Get it, LOL?

Kid

Did you hear about the emo kid who auditioned for the school play?

He made the cut.

Life

This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Morbius

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Actor

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.

Teacher

Vegan Teacher the musical.

Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

Mr. Beast- 馃幎 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 馃幎

Chandler-馃幍 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 馃幍

Mr. Beast- 馃幍 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 馃幍

Miss Kadie - 馃幍 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 馃幍

Kids- 馃幍 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

Miss Kadie - 馃幍 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.