New Theater Jokes

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that." The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

What do you call a terrorist at a cinema A box office bomb

I’d like to take you to the movies but unfortunately they don’t let you bring ur own snacks😩

Yo mamma so fat when se went to the movie theater the sits next to everyone

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal and one man came up with a great idea. He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common? Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

Why didn’t the orphan see the new movie?

It was spider man no way home

Did u here about the emo kid who audition for the school play?

He made the cut

This is not really a joke but it's a question. If Life is a Movie, Then is Death, Life, Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone. In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?

Joe mama so hairy when she went to the movie theater the people thought she was chewbacca

hamLET deez nuts go into your moueth?? 😂😂😂😂😂

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater

Why can't an orphan watch the movie :

It was family rated

Who is not allowed to watch pg movies?

Orphans

In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.

She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up.

One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune.

Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.