The jokes

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?

The Demon at least has a trade offer.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it wanted to be Argon.

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

Girls with the name Zoe have big foreheads.

What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

There are 40 of them.

If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!

"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."

Why do women buy clothes from the kids section? Because rapists prey on the weak.

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

Why is Donald Duck the president? Because Donald Trump has a duck.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

What do you call a white kid at the back of class?

A school shooter.

Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.