The jokes

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

"Yo mama is so fat that when I buried her, she made the Earth round."

What's the difference between a toaster and a ten-year-old Chinese girl? A Japanese soldier would regret sticking his d*ck into a toaster.

Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.

Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

Yo mama so fat Trump built a wall around her and not the border.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

Yo Mama is so FAT, it wasn't an iceberg that sank it, she was called, "THE MAMABERG!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

On the fourth month (Symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.

That day is called "April Fool's."

Trump likes to grab 'em by the pussy. Putin likes to grab them by their tiny hands.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they were pissed as all they got was plane.

What did the therapist say to the rapist yes please

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."