The jokes
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
Memes
bruh this tru
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree.
But the tree left him hanging.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
What's the difference between a knife and my life?
A knife has a point.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
Your hairline goes all the way back to when Burger King was a Burger Prince.
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.