The jokes

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.

Hupun DEEZ NUTS!

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

MAGAnon is the goat.

🦆🦆🦆

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scales, it said, "One person at a time, please!"

Yo mama so stupid, when I said, "Go deep," she dug a hole in the field.

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

I got kicked outta the poker game.

They said I was a little cheetah.

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

Why did the cow wiggle?

To make milkshake! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?

The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.

What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?

"I sea him!"

Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?

Because the principal was going to call his parents.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.