The jokes
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
VOTING QUARTERFINAL 1: LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid's sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter finds you and you think you're gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen. đź–Ś
Vote for the better joke!
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.
Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
Memes
What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?
They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.
Uh!!!
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.