The jokes
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
Memes
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
"I created the Human Torch."
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
Fuck the Green Bay Packers!
What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?
They both went down.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.