The jokes
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...
"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?
“Here comes the airplane!”
What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?
Q: Why did Bill Cosby get away with it?
A: Because the women were all Cosby-ing for it!
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
What’s the difference between a leaf and an emo kid falling out of a tree? The leaf reaches the ground.
Boy: The F in orphan stands for family.
Orphan: But there’s no F in orphan.
Boy: Exactly!
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
Why couldn't the orphan go on a school trip?
A parent's signature was required.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.