The jokes
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
Memes
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Yo mama's so fat that she doesn't need the internet because she is already worldwide.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?
Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.