The jokes

What's the best part about having emo grass?

It cuts itself!

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

Robin: "The car's not working."

Batman: "Did you check the battery?"

Robin: "What's a tery?"

Where are the best shooting ranges in America?

Used to be in schools, but now in subways.

I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

I'd like to relish the fact that you've mustered up the courage to ketchup to my level.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the 'Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last.

What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.

Where did Lucy go after the bombing?

Everywhere.

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"

"Africa," the parrot replied.

Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.

Why do orphans use water for their cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.