The jokes
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.
You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a circle room and told her to find the penny in the corner.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.
They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.