The jokes
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Memes
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.