The jokes

What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.

Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)

Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?

A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.

If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.

what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.

Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?

O I C U R M T

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

140 calories.

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.