The jokes

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

What did the mute man tell the blind man?

Nothing.

Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.

Girls are just like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

An iPhone has a button to go home.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.