The jokes

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

I finally know why my brain doesn't work!

On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke? Timing.

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

Government Briefing:

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...

...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

Why is the German blind?

Because he's a "not see."

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."