The jokes
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.