The jokes

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa? The water gun.

I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."

What is the difference between me and a retard?

At least I have chromosomes.

Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?

"Under the Sea!" (The Little Mermaid)

Why did the bus cross the road?

Where do kittens go on a field trip?

The meowseum.

How do you win a game of musical chairs? You steal the chair!

You're so fat, when you say the n-word, boogers come out.

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."

You have thin feet that people think you were a duck.

"Can we do 69?"

"How about 9/11 because we're going to crash tonight?"

It isn't funny to joke about 9/11. The jokes tend to crash and burn.

What did the poo say to the ass?

"I left you."

Why aren't Down's syndrome jokes funny?

Because the format of them is ugly.

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."

So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?

A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

Why did the orphan live at school?

Because on the first day his parents didn’t pick him up.