The jokes
I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.
I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.
Why did the ox get kicked out of the herd?
Because it wasn't being an ox, it was being a butt-ox...!
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
Memes
People with wheelchairs listen to "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.
Why did the Unicorns become extinct?
Because unicorns are gay! :|
What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?
Answer: Attorney General William Barr!
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he got sucked up by the black hole then got sent to the large charger in the sky.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?
Core-an (Korean)
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.
"I was lost in the woods yesterday."
"I was in some sticky situation..."
Why did the beans fuck the mum to make bouncing beans?
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.
Free blacks in the Civil War is the same as me drawing a reverse card in Uno.
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!