The jokes

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

Why did the tomato go red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

The boy ran into the gym, why?

Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."

Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."

I did a good job and walk walk home and walk walk to the car and drive. What is the difference between a good [what]?

What did the cow say to the prostitute?

Moo.

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

Why did the Indian man eat a cow? Because he wanted to be fat.

Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?

A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.

What happened when the duck crossed the road?

It crossed the road.

What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?

At least a Christian kneels in church.

So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."

Hey Hunter, Thomas here.

Why did the plane cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Thanks guys, remember to like it, means a lot!

Q: How many cops does it take to put in a light bulb? A: None, they just beat the room for being black. 😂😂😂

Why can't Chinese do anything? The government won't let them.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a twin?

Yeah, Helen ate her in the womb.

Going in a military.

The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"