The jokes
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
The person to make the first cannabinol cookbook had a wife and ate (eight) children.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Memes
When pigs went to the desert, they turned into bacon.
The ocean didn't start smelling like fish until women started swimming in it.
Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?
Between 2 buttcheeks.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
I once went to the bar for a pint, but the strippers there didn't have that much breast milk.
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
DON’T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED SETTLERS OF CATAN!
“Wheat is going on?” I asked my godmother. She replied “Godson, I really don’t know, but could you please get me some m-ore Shloer?”
“Ok, I’ll sheep if there’s any in the fridge!”
What is the difference between a human and a house? A human can walk, and a house cannot walk.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.