The jokes
How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!
When a person went to a restaurant, they died once they were in. Three people were a suspect. Two were suspected because she served the food. Turns out, it was the food!
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
True story.
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
Teacher: Go through the ABCs in pre-school.
Me: Hey, teacher, omae wa mou shindeiru!
Teacher: NANI!?!?
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!
I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.
What is the difference between a human and human rights, and a tree tree, and a house that has to?
What is the difference between a school 🏫 and a human?
A human can walk, and a school 🏫 cannot walk.
What is the difference between a tree?
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?
It's between cheeks at the moment.
Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it, so instead, he clapped her out of the world.
The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"
I replied, "As soon as possible!"
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.
Why does Job have an Area 51 head? Because his head is the shape of a 🦖.