The jokes
What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?
Looks like I've only got myself to blame...
A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.
Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"
Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"
Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
I would kill for something to eat--the cannibal.
What did the skeleton say after dinner?
Bon appétit!
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
What is the skeleton's favorite instrument?
A xylophone.
Stormtrooper: What happened to the Jedi Order?
Palpatine: Slew it!
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To show he wasn't a chicken.
What did the one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Who is the most famous skeleton? Sherlock Bones.