The jokes

How do kill a redneck?

Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.

What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?

My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.

We never met again.

What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.

What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?

Because he had no legs.

Why were people not happy before they were part of the LGBTQ+? Because they weren’t gay.

Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.

Why was the broom late? Because it had overslept.

Why did the nerd get scared of the emo? Because the nerd likes to leave the emo hanging.

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

You put food on the ceiling and they start jumping.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they all sit in the dark.

Why did Hitler kill himself? He knew the war was over at the beginning.

The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.

What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.

Roses are red, the grass is greener,

Every time I think of you, I play with my weenie.

Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football?

Because he got all the downs.

What did the mustard say to the ketchup at the race?

So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."