The jokes

What does the Titanic sell most?

Icebreakers.

What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.

So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.

What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?

They both hit me face down on the table.

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.

The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?

I saw a trophy in my sister's room. So I said congratulations on your cheer leading. My sister said I didn't win the trophy for cheer leading, so I asked why. My sister said I won because I give the best jobs.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

Why did the Russian cross the road?

To get to the other side.

I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.

The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.

What’s another name for cumming in a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!

Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.

A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

So I threw him out the window!

Are you the Twin Towers?

Because I want to smash you.

Yo mama was so fat that she jumped so hard, and the earth started shaking like an earthquake.