The jokes

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

Hello guys. It's me, Donald fuckin' Trump. Ask me anything in the comments, guys.

I wish the grass in my backyard was emo.

So it can cut itself.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.

I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).

Why did the skeleton die from laughter?

'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.

Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

What do you call a movie about an orphan?

The Bat Man.

Why did the ducks go to jail?

They sold quack.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!