The jokes

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

Your mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."

Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

A: To find Pooh!

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.

What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?

A disorder.

A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.

What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?

A period.

Why?

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"

The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.