The jokes

9/11

What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?

You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.

Momma

Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.

Wound

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?

A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.

Gun

I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!

Kid

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

Baby

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

Chess

Why are the English so bad at chess?

Because they lost their queen.

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.

Daycare

Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?

A. There was a daycare on the other side.

Yogurt

"Mayotte’s are sinking in the yogurt! (My Oat’s)" 🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹🇾🇹

Mama

Yo mama so fat.

She is the reason why people think that the Earth is flat.

Way

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by comedian Isaac Butterfield.

Way

The best way to enjoy Port Arthur is to shoot through--a quote by hilarious comedian Isaac Butterfield.

Grandma

I went to the store because I had to go to school to run up downstairs because my phone started calling me because I was playing Mario Kart on my kitchen sink's baby grandma, like if you cry every time.