The jokes
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!
I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
What's the best competition to do with an orphan?
Which orphan had their parent for the longest?
Why can't Mexicans cross the border? They always sneak powder in.
What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌
My mom loves balls.
But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.
Why did the gym close?
It's because it just never worked out.
You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
Why did the orphan go to rob the bank? Because he wanted to be wanted! >:D
Why did the blind man cross the road?
Don't ask me, he can't even see where he's going.
What's the difference between a blind man and a window?
The window can see through itself.
Once the old lady told me she had wisdom, but after she voted! 🤯
What is Osama bin Laden singing right now?
*cue the little mermaid* "Undaaa the sea, undaaa the sea"
Jack & Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy...but Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck cuz Jill's real name was Randy.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.