The jokes

What's black and white and red all over?

The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.

What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

Why did the Titanic sink?

Because the people aboard are stupid.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

What’s black and at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.

Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed three episodes of your favorite show.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

"You can drink drinks, but you can't food foods."

-Sun Tzu, The Art Of Food

Say "I hate happiness" without the H (all of them).

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.

What is the difference between Obama and Osama?

Osama didn't kill innocent civilians with missile strikes.

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.