The jokes
Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
What's white but not black, and red all over?
J. K. Rowling after attending the world premiere of the next Matrix movie.
Your forehead is so big I could sell advertising space by the mile on it.
I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."
What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he gets a hole in one.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Your mama is so ugly, when she went to the circus they thought she was Pennywise, Mom.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Why did the orphan become famous? Because they said, "Go big or go home!"
"What's the wifi password?"
"121i362"
"It's not working."
"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"
"The United Airline."
"We're in the World Trade Center, though."
Why are Mexicans good at Uno?
They always steal the green card.
How do you starve a hippie? You hide its welfare check under the soap.
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
What sounds did the Ukraine people make in basketball? Ka-boom!
I'm sorry, but I can only process text. Please provide the joke as text.
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
What do you call seagulls that fly over the bay? Bagels.