The jokes
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Memes
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
He only took a day off.
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
Your mama is so fat.
She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!