The jokes

What did the lettuce say when she is popping the champagne?

After 6 months of lockdown,

I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.

When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.

Stop the cap.

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

Your hairline goes so far back, even the Proclaimers wouldn't walk there.

Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.

Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

"Warning, all unsaved progress will be lost." - Sun Tzu, The Art Of War.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

How do you play chess with a Catholic?

You put a condom on the bishop.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?

The slash and burn tactic.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.

Why did the rapper become a chef?

Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!

I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To drop some FRESH RHYMES in the cafeteria!

Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the concert?

To dig deep with his lyrics.