The jokes
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
Why was the pregnant cow mad all the time? It wasn’t in for the moo-d.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
I sat down to eat some ice cream. The next moment, I screamed!
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Have you ever been to the ocean? Well, the smokers out there probably only seaweed!
Why did Stephen Hawking walk across the road? Oh wait...
Where did the king hide his armies?
In his sleevies.
Worst joke ever.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!