The jokes

When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.

Oof.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?

That hit the spot!

How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?

Hint: he didn’t.

My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.

Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?

A: He doesn't have the guts for it.

I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?

Because there was no chemistry...

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My diet:

Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...

What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?

I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.

What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?

Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

How did the toilet react when it received a gift?

That was so pot full (thoughtful)!

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What did one orphan say to another?

"Robin, get in the Batmobile!"

What are the similarities between Stephen Hawking and a bull?

They both charge.

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.