The jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

she died the next morning.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."

The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Because they looked like me?

Sans: ... Sure.

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

People call me a bad person, but just the other day I saw a little kid crying and asked him where were his parents. I love working at the orphanage.

Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

A: There was a face off in the corner.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night. Although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy.

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

Then, she asked me flirtatiously,

"Have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet."

She drank a little more, and said, "Well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys, opens her door, turns on the light, and she yells towards upstairs,

"Mom, are you still awake?"

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon.

How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?

The first airplane.

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"