The jokes

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

Why were the Twin Towers sad?

Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but got plane instead.

Your mama is so fat that when she went to run in a yellow jumpsuit, the kids thought they missed the school bus.

Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.

Why did my parents walk to the other side?

...Why?

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

What's the only time a Pentagon has four sides? When a plane intercepts into it.

Q: What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

A: Bison.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Your mama is so fat, the wall couldn't support her picture.

Orphans and Chinese people can’t play baseball. The orphans can’t find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.

Yesterday I got detention because I said to the emo kid, "Come hang with us."