The jokes

What did the man say to the girl?

You just milked a cow.

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!

Question: What is the difference between a morbid joke and a dark joke?

Answer: One is 10 babies in a trash can; the other is a baby in 10 trash cans.

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

Why are there no women in the NFL?

Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?

How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?

By the rings around it.

Why did the mushroom kill himself?

Because he had a mushy life.

My peepee small.

Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)

I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.

I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!

Your fay.

Well, you're the thing that sunk the Titanic.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁

In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...

What is the best day to go to the beach?

On Sunday.

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

A man walks in to the doctor.

He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."

Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!

Yo mama so ugly, it made the world stop spinning.

What did the Cheetah say to the Lion?

"I'm a Cheetah!"

Why did Sally drown in the pool?

She didn't have any arms, remember!

What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?

A penis always goes in the hole.