The jokes

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

What's the difference between Andy and acne?

Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.

How ISS greets their friend.

"You the BOMB!"

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

Why were the people in the Twin Towers upset? They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plane.

You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.

I'm going to piss on the floor.

Read if gay.

Aha!

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!

President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎

Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.

What is the one sauce Germans avoid on their steak?

"Ajous".

How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?

There are speedos in the microwave.

Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.

It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

Why was Boiling Water hired by NASA (The National Aeronautics and Space Administration) to oversee their Space division?

Because it has at least one hundred degrees.

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

How do you tell when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.