The jokes
Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?
Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?
Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.
Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?
Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.
Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!
Memes
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
Why did Stephen Hawking stop playing hide and seek with his wife?
She kept getting the metal detector out.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
What is black and at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking's after a fire.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.