The jokes

Death

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

Pizza

What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?

Two large planes.

Suicide

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Memes

Society

why did i laugh at this? this is alot like someone I know.. hmm- ( in the cmmts write who u think it is!)

The image shows six panels, each depicting a different idea of what work from home looks like. The first shows someone sleeping with a pug, labeled "What society thinks I do." The second shows a hand holding a remote, with popcorn, labeled "What my family thinks I do." The third shows a child using a laptop, labeled "What my friends think I do." The fourth shows a woman with large sunglasses and luggage, labeled "What my clients think I do." The fifth shows a woman looking at a computer screen, labeled "What I think I do." The last shows a woman yelling into a phone, labeled "What I really do."

Bed

So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

Smoking

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

Homework

Teacher: What is a cow?

Kid: Meat.

Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?

Kid: Eggs.

Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?

Kid: Homework.

Apple

What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?

Apples actually get picked.

Orphan

Why do orphans have dry cereal?

Because they're still waiting on the milk.

Orphan

The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"

Puzzle

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

Boy

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

Salad

Why did the monster 🧟‍♀️ put the cook in a bowl?

He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂

Mom

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

Jenga

A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”

The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.

Difference

What is the difference between a terrorist and a prostitute?

The prostitute can blow you more than once.

Rape

What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?

She was date raped.