The jokes

Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?

Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.

I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...

But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

Three gay guys walk into a bar.

There is only one stool left, what do they do?

They flip the stool over.

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.

You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.

What did the pond brother say to his lake sister?

"Oasis!" (Oh, hey sis!)

What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

How did Stephen Hawking die?

They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.

I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.

A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.

When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?

What did the shoes say to the pants?

"SUP, BRITCHES!"

The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.