The jokes

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.

The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.

The man then got plastic prosthetics.

Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.

After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."

"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

What's the time?

How would I know?

What's the difference between a baby and putty?

You can only eat one.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

"Knock Knock..."

"Who's There?"

"Kenya"

"Kenya who?"

"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It wasn't in its car seat.

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

Why did the strawberry cry?

Her mom was in a jam.

Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.

What did the Pokemon lover say when he got to the shoe store?

I have to Pikashoe.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...

Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Why did Princess Di cross the road?

Momentum.