The jokes
What's more sensitive than a pushy?
A Western man on the internet.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
The "d" in Africa stands for democracy...
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Do you know the phrase, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
I dislike the UK with a great taste.
The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Don’t worry, he woke up.
In my basement.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will have dialogue.”
Q: What is a clown’s favorite fish?
A: The clownfish.
What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple? The apple falls from the tree.